"You're Kidding, Right???"

(HS Senior Picture)

(Graduation)

I love the University of Utah. Growing up, I always wanted to go there to study, so really that's the only college I applied to, assuming I would get in. (And I did, with lots of incentive to go, AKA sweet scholarship). But I specifically remember the day I was sitting in the Rexburg, Idaho temple and getting the tiniest little thought that I should at least look into Brigham Young University... I cringed.

Me: (stares up through the temple ceiling) "you're kidding, right???"
Nope. Wasn't kidding.

I applied, got in, and never looked back at what I had dreamed of since I was little. I'm pretty proud of my ability, as young as I was, to give up what I wanted for what I felt the Lord wanted. I think I wanted to go to the U because of their dance program, their medicine program, and because it's where my dad had gone to Med school. I look up to him so much, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps. But really, his footsteps lead me to the bigger footsteps that I truly need to follow.

I have reflected repeatedly on that temple experience this week as I prepare to graduate from BYU. I remember those months of deciding where to go to school and the trials that accompanied that time in so many areas of my life, related or unrelated to school. It was kind of the worst-- I don't like to think about those months very much. But this week, I can't help but reflect on how different my life would be if I had chosen another way.

Many of my thoughts have included, "Would I be any different?" "Would I have served a mission?" "Why did I even need to come here?" "Did listening make a difference?" "Have I done the things He expected me to accomplish here?"... and on and on. I don't know the answer to those questions. Not a single one. However, I do know that He is proud of me for listening. He is pleased that I put Him first, and He is joyful that I have found joy in doing things I haven't wanted to do.

I think that's the point--it doesn't matter what He tells me to do, or any of us to do. The important part isn't the school, the town, the job, etc. It's the willingness to listen and do. Trust me, there have been many days where I've questioned why I'm supposed to be where I am, not just with school, but with anything/everything. But I am also continually reminded of the confirming moments that have shown me that the Lord is happy with my decision to try and listen, and then do.

"I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up" (D&C 84:88).

Those angels have come in many forms over the past six years (of college and mission), always as a reminder to keep moving forward, even when there are things that push back. I have become increasingly grateful for the fact that the Lord asks me to do things, give up things, or become something that I'd rather not pursue. He sees the end from the beginning because He is the beginning and the end (3 Nephi 9:18), and I know He will continually ask me to go and do things that I'd rather not. But I've found that the greatest blessings lie on the other side of His "asks," not on my side of comfort. Those "asks" have taken me to various parts of the world, but mostly they have taken various parts of me; always replacing it with something better.

The end of my time at BYU represents more my advancement of spirituality and personal development than anything else, not disregarding the progress in my artistic and academic endeavors. At this conclusion, I must say I am a BYU girl (#IstilllovetheU #goUtes), but more than anything I know Whose team I am really on today and forever.

I have entered in, learned, and anxiously seek after all opportunities to go forth and serve.

(Me now)