Bear the Cross

It is difficult for me to stomach the thought of this kind of cruelty. I don’t like watching war movies, seeing documentaries about slavery, or anything else that depicts the malicious treatment of anyone or anything - I can’t even watch the animated Prince of Egypt movie without crying. I simply don’t have the heart to bear it. I have always had a hard time being able to watch or read about the crucifixion because it makes me feel physically and emotionally pained at the thought of this kind of inhumanity. I cannot fathom the daily bloodbath and slaughter that the Roman Empire exerted on the people every single day. Christ was certainly not the first or the last to endure this kind of manslaughter, in the most literal sense of the word. Nor were the Romans the only regime in history to have employed such gruesome and horrific acts. I cannot imagine how this kind of evil enters into the hearts of men. “They are without order and without mercy” (Moroni 9:18). 

I do know, however, that Christ’s experience of the crucifixion was beyond anything that anyone had ever or would ever experience because it was compounded with what suffering had already begun and would continue. The previous night, which we remember frequently, He did begin suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane. No words could encompass the magnitude of that experience. However, I do not believe the suffering and agony for our sins was terminated upon His leaving the Garden, simply because an angry mob appeared to interrupt Him. As I was listening to the Y Religion Podcast (https://rsc.byu.edu/media/y-religion) I listened intently to the interview with John Hilton III who has studied references to the crucifixion, and Christ’s Atonement for our sins on the cross. In his article (link below), he says the following: 

“While these are details that perhaps one does not wish to linger on, helping [people] understand the physical realities of crucifixion can deepen their appreciation for how much the Savior loves them. We can better understand passages such as, “He loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life” (2 Nephi 26:24), “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” ( John 15:13), and “God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).“ (John Hilton III https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4224&context=facpub)

Christ was not only suffering the barbaric cruelty of all physical torture imaginable, but He was also, in the courts of Pilate and Caesar, in the torture chamber of the Praetorium, along the Via Dolorosa, and upon the Cross at Golgotha, suffering for you and me. 

What debt of gratitude is mine. It was required that He suffer in the manner that He did, and it was required that He suffer for our sins unto death. Resurrection Sunday is almost upon us, yes. A day and a story that are much more palatable and joyful. However difficult it is to remember and think about the crucifixion and His suffering, I think it is fair that my heart break just by thinking about it. After all, more than anything, I believe Jesus ultimately died of a broken heart. And it broke for my benefit and salvation. 

In two days we will, of course, begin the celebration of His return to life, but today is truly a commemoration of the reason He is able to return to life: because He is the Son of God, who was crucified for the sins of the world. And in a coming day when He appears again, I can imagine that He will introduce Himself as He has before:

“I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was crucified for the sins of the world” (Doctrine and Covenants 35:2).

As my friend Jessica Sargent reminds me, quoting one of our wonderful teachers, Tim Campbell, "He paid an awful price for us, the least we can do is remember it."

Let us remember and never forget, that there is no resurrection, no repentance, and no salvation without His sacrifice that lasted unto His final moments and death. Although it may be difficult for me to bear the sight, I remember that he bears my cross, and He does, unlike me, have the heart to bear it.